Life heats up quickly. Deadlines stack, priorities shift, and unexpected challenges appear. While we can’t control everything, we can control how we respond.
I’m learning that lesson at home these days. Life with preteens is a constant swirl of needs and opinions—rides, forgotten homework, dinner complaints—all at once. The energy is different than when they were little, but the intensity is still very real.
Sometimes I catch myself in the middle of it, feeling that familiar surge of frustration. Instead of reacting, I pause: a hand on my heart, a slow breath in, a soft exhale. I remind myself peace and ease are already here. In that small moment, something shifts. I don’t control the chaos, but I regain a sense of choice in how I respond. The pause is everything. It’s where options appear, where we see we don’t have to lash out in distress.
In moments of overwhelm, we tend to think quickly but not clearly. Under stress, the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain that helps us reason and plan—takes a back seat. Primal instincts and old habits kick in, and we rely on whatever has worked in the past. That’s when thinking traps take hold.
“Thinking traps are habitual, often unconscious patterns of negative thinking that undermine resilience and well-being.” – Martin Seligman & Karen Reivich
Some common thinking traps include:
Awareness is key. Noticing when these traps appear is the first step toward interrupting them and choosing a more balanced response.
Try a brief, intentional pause when stress rises: STOP, DROP, and BREATHE
This practice brings your thinking brain back online, allowing you to assess the situation clearly. From there, you can ask if a thinking trap is at play and respond with greater resilience, perspective, and calm.
Resilience isn’t about controlling everything around us. It’s about building the capacity to pause, notice, and choose. The more you practice, the more your responses—and your results—shift in meaningful ways.